Secrets of GTR2

Welcome to Secrets of GTR2 where I will be recording my experience, tips, tricks, resources and other helpful information as I get into GTR2.

Secrets of GTR2

Welcome to Secrets of GTR2 where I will be recording my experience, tips, tricks, resources and other helpful information as I get into GTR2.

Secrets of X is a series of blog posts I started with Secrets of iRacing and which has grown to include Secrets of GTR2, Secrets of Automobilista, and Secrets of rFactor 2. The “secrets” part is a little dramatic but there are quite a few tips and tricks I think new users will find very valuable and interesting.

Update 2017-11-10: Added Force Feedback > Guidelines for Tuning GTR2 Force Feedback. Updated Force Feedback > Rumble Strips Pushing/Pulling the Wrong Way to clarify wrong interpretation and now using default FFB parameter value.

Update 2017-11-09: Clarified Racing > Custom Daylight Acceleration works for regular race sessions but not 24 Hour races – they automatically time scale to race length setup when first starting the 24 Hour race.

Update 2017-11-08: Added Racing > Custom Daylight Acceleration. Added Resources > GTR Engineers Handbook and GTR2 Car-Owner’s Manual links. The GTR Engineers Handbook is particularly excellent for describe car setups better and more informatively than any in-game descriptions I’ve encountered before and the Q&A with real-life experts is also incredibly helpful.

Update 2017-10-31: Added Racing > How to Set AI Difficulty Level and Tips for Practicing and Qualifying for a Race sections. Also emphasized tip to avoid Time Acceleration as it causes a bug which results in overly quick AI lap times no matter what your AI difficulty level is set to.

Update 2017-10-29: Cleaned up and clarified Getting Started > Field of View. It’s now easy to understand and has an example. Fleshed out Force Feedback > My Personal Force Feedback Tweaking Notes with latest tuning adjustments.

Update 2017-10-12: Now using AI to AI Collision Rate=”40″ (max) as there’s no FPS loss for me so why not. Added Tips and Tricks > Avoid Time Acceleration to AVOID AI Bug.

Update 2017-09-22: Now using AI to AI Collision Rate=”32″ as I’m no longer experiencing FPS loss, maybe only stock tracks are affected and not HQ tracks. Try running HQ tracks if you have this problem. Added 5. Adding Friction and Damper under Force Feedback > My Personal Force Feedback Tweaking Notes. Added Force Feedback Settings under Getting Started > Modernizing as, while it may seem obvious, I wanted to highlight the need to do more than is available in-game to get closer to modern standards for FFB feeling. Added note about preferring HQ Cars and Tracks due to improved handling and grip adjustments in Getting Started > Modernizing > Mod: GTR2 HQ Mods Collection.

Update 2017-09-21: Added 4. Improving Corner Feeling under Force Feedback > My Personal Force Feedback Tweaking Notes.

Update 2017-09-17 – 2: HQ Cars & Tracks is working for me again after a fix. See comments under Modernizing > Mod: GTR2 HQ Mods Collection. Added Troubleshooting > Enable Tracing.

Update 2017-09-17: Added Troubleshooting section. Noted HQ Cars & Tracks was crashing for me. This works now, see comments under Modernizing > Mod: GTR2 HQ Mods Collection.

Update 2017-09-16: Added Tips & Tricks regarding turning up tire scrub and tire skid volumes and regarding refreshing old mod files if you’re experiencing instability.

Update 2017-09-15: Added Modernizing > 4GB Patch notes. Added GTR2 HQ CARS & TRACKS – 10th Anniversary and GTR2 HQ AI under Modernizing > Mod: GTR2 HQ Mods Collection. Added note that I’ve stopped using the Changing Weather Patch due to suspected instability.

Update 2017-09-14: Added Mod Spotlight > DTM Classics Mod with details for getting it running in 2017.

Update 2017-09-11: Detailed my FFB tuning in the section “My Personal Force Feedback Tweaking Notes”. Important! After a few rounds of FFB tuning I finally feel like I have a simple FFB setup that achieves car stability, quick response, and road feel. Added “GTR2 Crashes – It might Be Other Accelerated Graphics Apps” to the Tips and Tricks section.

Update 2017-09-08: Added “Disable Auto-pit and ai control” under the “Tips and Tricks” section. Noted tweaks in the “Make GTR2 Use More Cores For Better Performance” section under Performance. Added “My Personal Force Feedback Tweaking Notes” under the Force Feedback section.

Update 2017-09-06: Noted I’ve started over again from Julien Regnard’s FFB guide tuning FFB from baseline values instead of PLR defaults values under the “Helpful Guide for Advanced Force Feedback Tweaking” heading. Highly recommended. Don’t skip it like I did.

Update 2017-09-01 – 2: Added main section Performance and sub-section Make GTR2 Use More Cores For Better Performance to describe GTR2’s single-core use and how to get it to use more than a single core for better performance.

Update 2017-09-01: Added a Table of Contents for more convenient organization and to make it easier to find what you want.

Update 2017-08-30: Updated Force Feedback section to include more details on finding my optimal “FFB steer force average weight”, “FFB steer force exponent”, and “FFB rumble strip pull factor”. Also added “Force Feedback Tweaking Guide for Simbin Games by Julien Regnard” in Force Feedback section.

Update 2017-08-25: Added Changing Weather Patch mod under Modernizing section and added to Mod Spotlight. Updated my latest FFB settings in the Helpful Guide for Advanced Force Feedback Tweaking section.

Update 2017-08-20: Further FFB tweaking of “FFB steer force grip weight” which gives a feel of losing and gaining grip while cornering. Added Tips and Tricks section Use Auto-Clutch With Paddle Shifters. Added main section Mod Spotlight.

Update 2017-08-19 – 2: Added Getting Started sections: Mod: Track update for GTR2 Original Tracks, Mod: New GFX Mod, Field of View, Wheel Rotation and Wheel Lock, iRacing-like Brake Sensitivity for Potentiometer Pedals (eg. G27). Added Adding Game Cars, Tracks, Mods and More main section. Added Force Feedback main section with sub-section Helpful Guide for Advanced Force Feedback Tweaking.

Update 2017-08-19: Welcome to the initial posting of Secrets of GTR2! Check back from time to time as I add things and note the updates in this update box.

What is GTR2?

From the Wikipedia entry,

GTR 2 – FIA GT Racing Game is a sports car racing simulator developed by Blimey! Games and SimBin Studios (later Sector3 Studios) for the x86 PC and is a sequel to GTR. Since its release in September 2006, it has received widespread acclaim. The game simulates the 2003 and 2004 FIA GT Championship racing series.

And here’s the official game trailer,

Continue reading “Secrets of GTR2”

SimXperience AccuForce Pro Steering System

Update 2016-11-15: My latest R3E settings, including the November 2016 update, are over at my RaceRoom Racing Experience Force Feedback Settings post.

Update 2016-06-10: Updated Assetto Corsa FFB settings a little.

Update 2016-03-31: After the R3E update, I was getting a constant vibration in the wheel that tracked the cars speed (not engine rpm). People said to zero Slip Effect in-game but that wasn’t working for me. I eventually created a brand new R3E controller profile in-game and then compared to my previous profile. I noticed some differences like “FFB steer vibe freq mult=0” (and related values). Once I synchronized those I changed Slip Effect to zero in-game and that solved it.

Update 2016-03-08: Clarified certain language after time and reflection per the Closing Thoughts section. Filled in some sections that were still left undone.

Update 2016-02-19: Updated R3E section to sync with update notes. Added Assetto Corsa and rFactor place-holder sections for now. I plan to add more as I setup those games to work nicely with the AccuForce.

Update 2016-01-12: Added Suggestions for Improvements section.

Update 2016-01-01 – 3: Continuing my RaceRoom Racing Experimence experimentation (see updates below) I have been trying different cars with the settings I came up with earlier. I’ve run the Cadillac CTS V.R, BMW M4 DTM 2014, and the Aquila CR1, all at Brands Hatch Indy. They all felt really great except the Aquila which had very heavy steering (I’m not sure if S3 has updated the car in a long time) and its shift effect is ridiculous, I’ll have to turn that down even though it’ll also effect the other cars. I’ll be trying more cars and more tracks as my next step… Tested the McLaren MP4-12C, Ford Mustang GT3, Audi V8 DTM 1992, and 134 Judd V8. They all feel way better than my previous settings. The only quibble I have is cars with heavy steering could feel better. Remember some cars do not have updated physics/ffb (like the BMW E30 Gr. A I just tried) and they feel particularly “numb” or “dull”.

Update 2016-01-01 – 2: Following on my RaceRoom Racing Experience experimentation earlier today (see first 2016-01-01 update below), I then started experimenting with Wheel Modes and Dynamic Force Boost (expand Sim Commander Effects > Game Force Feedback to see the checkbox). I felt like I had more grip or could better tell how much grip I had under the Responsive (Peaks Allowed) mode as opposed to Default Wheel Mode I was using. This wheel mode allowed in some more what I call “boat sway” in the steering (ex. high speed straight wheel oscillates back and forth on its own) but it’s not so bad. I then enabled Dynamic Force Boost and the feeling of grip improved a little more. As a bonus, force feedback effects come in clearer due to the added force strength added by the wheel mode and force boost. I then had to experiment again with SC Dampening and Friction and I ended up on 1.57% for both. By the way, I have so far kept both Dampening and Friction to the same value as it feels correct in the steering and also seems to make sense in that they are sort of opposites and complement each other in a way. Dampening feels like added “weight” during force feedback effects, such as when the wheel swings back the opposite way when the backend goes out and you need to push through the effect to correct the steering, whereas friction adds weight when there are no force feedback effects. It’s still not perfect, I need to test with other settings like SC Inertia, as I said, and also try other cars (so far testing on BMW M3 GT2 at Brands Hatch Indy). Here are my latest Sim Commander and in-game settings for R3E:

r3e-sc-settings-20160101br3e-settings-20160101br3e-settings-2-20160101b

Update 2016-01-01: In RaceRoom Racing Experience, I experimented with moving Smoothing, Spring, Damper, and Friction to Sim Commander settings, so these are disabled (0%) in-game. I figure all the AccuForce does is FFB so it might be better or at least more efficient than the in-game settings. It also consolidates as much as possible to the wheel to avoid duplicating settings. I noticed both SC and R3E had smoothing applied so I first disabled it in-game, which felt better, and then disabled it in SC, which felt even better: I realized I was now feeling effects quicker than I was before. It seems Smoothing was delaying effects or making it feel delayed. I then did the usual binary search on SC Smoothing and Dampening and landed on 8.24% for each. It doesn’t feel perfect but it’s the best I could do in the binary search so far. I might have to experiment with some other SC setting like Inertia. Oh, before I started I did Reset to Defaults on the wheel, ensured Wheel Mode was Default (because High/Responsive modes have had too much oscillation in R3E), disabled Engine RPM (also SC), and then started experimenting in-game. Here’s my latest Sim Commander and in-game settings for R3E:

r3e-sc-settings-20160101r3e-settings-20160101r3e-settings-2-20160101

Update 2015-12-24: Added a Closing Thoughts section which wraps up my thoughts and feelings after having driven with the AccuForce now for more than 6 months. What do I really think of the AccuForce? Would I buy it again? Read on to find out… Oh, and here’s an article over at MockRacer.com about the Leo Bodnar SimSteering2 wheel where he compares it the AccuForce he tried earlier in the year. The direct drive wheel market keeps getting more and more interesting.

Update 2015-11-26: I picked up Stock Car Extreme on the Steam Fall Sale ongoing right now. Not a bad pikcup for CAD $20. Sim Commander supports it right out of the box with pretty good settings. I made a new SC profile from scratch and reset it to defaults. When you launch SCE for the first time remember to set Windowed mode or you won’t see Sim Commander’s overlay in the game. In game, you’ll need to setup your controls as per usual for any sim. It doesn’t feel like SCE knows about the AccuForce so I had to set the Wheel Range (in the Controls screen just after you launch a track but before you get on) to 900. It still feels off, you might need to set the Wheel Lock in the Garage screens to 30 to get a 15:1 steering ratio (ie. something like GT-style steering ratio). Let me know if there are any more settings we AF owners should be setting for a more solid ride. Enjoy.

Update 2015-09-25 – 6: My latest Sim Commander settings for R3E:

sc-r3e-2sc-r3e

And for R3E in-game:

RRRE 2015-09-25 23-49-00-52RRRE 2015-09-25 22-57-04-73RRRE 2015-09-25 22-57-08-21

Update 2015-09-25 – 6: A note on dialing in range settings. I’ve mentioned it before but I think I’ll mention it again. When I come up with settings within a range (ex. Smoothing 5% where the range is 0% to 100%) I do a binary search by hand. Put simply, a binary search is starting at one extreme, adding or subtracting half the range, and then adding or subtracting half again, based on preference, and repeating this process until you find an optimal value. For example, with Damping I went from 0% to 100% to try the extremes, then 50% because it was too high, then 25%, then 12%, then 6%, all based on preference. So, put in the setting, run a lap and, if it feels too much lower the value or if it doesn’t feel enough raise the value.

Update 2015-09-25 – 5: I’ve been playing around with Smoothing (5%), Damper (6%) and Friction (6%). Smoothing was at 25% before and it was taking a little bit of definition out of the ffb so I put in just 5%. Damper was at 0% before and it tends to simply dampen all forces (sort of make them slower) and I found more dampening helped me catch sliding backends. Friction was at 0% before and it applies a resistance to the strength you put into turning the wheel. I found in slides or losing grip that something felt off, it was too easy to swing the wheel back and that caused me to misjudge how I correct a slide. Turning up friction to 6% (after trying a binary search) helped me just a little better about how to correct my steering in those scenarios.

Update 2015-09-25 – 4: Even though R3E doesn’t officially support the wheel yet I find I’m finally getting to like the AccuForce FFB results after a lot tweaking (see the updates below from the last few days). The only thing really bugging me right now is the boat-like swaying motion on straights (“floaty” steering feel near center) and also the awkward steering feel when your backend flies out and you need to counter-steer. Something’s still not right there. But, hey, things are feeling pretty enjoyable.

Update 2015-09-25 – 3: I experimented in R3E with Steering Rack FFB. I was used to 0% (ie. all forces from tires as opposed to steering rack) so I flipped it 100% (ie. all forces from steering rack as opposed to tires) and I noticed a more “gradual” or “analog” rise and fall as I mounted and dismounted kerbs. I quite like the extra information so I’ve currently settled on Steering Rack 50% (ie. half of all forces from tires and half of all forces from steering rack).

Update 2015-09-25: Tweaked R3E Steering Force Intensity and Understeer as I put in more seat time and learn what I like.

Update 2015-09-17: Added force feedback settings for RaceRoom Racing Experience. Basically I reset the Sim Commander Profile and then set Steering Force Intensity 70% 50% and Understeer 25% 20%. That’s all I’ve done so far.

Update 2015-09-15: Having problems with Sim Commander crashing after launching games or the in-game overlay not showing in some games like RaceRoom Racing Experience? Power cycle your AccuForce and it should come back. I knew this trick since I ran into a bug when I first got the wheel where the computer wouldn’t even boot with the AccuForce on. Since then I must have gotten into the habit of turning the AccuForce on shortly after booting and that was causing problems. If I only power on the AccuForce after logging in then RaceRoom appears to work flawlessly and I don’t need to power cycle.

Update 2015-07-30: Check this very helpful and informative post on tuning the Accuforce Pro: AccuForce Settings For Dummies.

Update 2015-06-03: Added RaceRoom Racing Experience after 2015-06-02 Update section.

Update 2015-06-01: Added Auto-Tuning with Sim Commander Software section. Recommended read for AccuForce owners: AccuForce Tuning Feedback Test. This is a thread Berney of SimXperience created after the Sim Racing Garage head-to-head video, mentioned below, attempting to provide collect some user experiences and determine what kind of changes could be made to the wheel to improve feel for sim racers (who may have different force feedback tastes than real-life race drivers).

Update 2015-06-01: Barry, from Sim Racing Garage, has release a head-to-head comparison of the Accuforce Pro, Bodnar, and OSW wheels. It has highlighted some nagging concerns I’ve had ever since I’ve been playing with the wheel. Before we go any further, don’t think for a moment I’m saying the Accuforce is not a good wheel. It’s a professional, supported, warrantied, complete package, direct-drive, very strong wheel, with good force feedback and excellent tuning options. It’s a great wheel and at a competitive price. What I will say though is that the forces are not coming through as much as I’d like. For example, one reviewer in the video mentioned how it was difficult to tell the different between a slide through grass and the moment it hit the pavement during the slide. The AF wasn’t communicating that well. Other examples include strong cornering forces washing out road feel, or banking or kerb forces not feeling as defined as the other wheels. On the SimXperience forums, Berney (of SimX), has said he’ll be thinking about pushing out wheel updates to work on the comments the reviewers had in the videos. I look forward to trying those updates.

Update 2015-05-21: Added iRacing Settings, RaceRoom Racing Experience Settings

Update 2015-05-19: Added Setup, First Impressions, First Driving Experience, G27 Thoughts, Resources

SimXperience AccuForce Pro Steering System

accuforce2I’ve recently received my SimXperience AccuForce Pro and have been enjoying it for the past week. I’ve only owned one other force feedback wheel, a Logitech G27, and this is, of course, leaps and bounds beyond a G27. There is ample power and tuning options to provide the flexibility sim racers really want to ensure the best and most realistic experience while driving.

I’ll be posting my initial thoughts, my driving and tuning experiences, and providing tips and tricks for various facets of the wheel, it’s tuning software, and for the various sim titles I play.

I’ll be writing this post in parts and updating new sections as I have time and learn new things about the wheel!

Enjoy!

Continue reading “SimXperience AccuForce Pro Steering System”

Logitech G27 900 Degrees Steering Across Racing Games

Update 2015-03-22: Mind blowing update here for G27 owners! I’ve just come across a thread, via a question I posed on the iRacing forums, about how to reset the G27 wheel when it glitches in a session and feels like it goes back to the default 200deg rotation. A friendly iRacing member provided the link and…well you just have to go there yourself right now! Here’s what it boils down to: There are undocumented codes for the buttons on the shifter for setting degrees of rotation and one of them is the 900deg setting which you’ll need to reset to if the wheel happens to glitch. Here’s a pic from that thread to help explain:

G27_UDG_miniYou press 1+2 and then one of the T,S,O,X buttons. Here’s my take on what each does: 1+2+T=240deg, 1+2+S=450deg, 1+2+O=630deg, 1+2+X=900deg.I think what they were trying to accomplish is shortcuts for cars with different steering ratios like 240deg for open wheel cars, 450deg for GT cars, 630deg for drift cars, and 900deg for street cars.

Update 2014-08-03: Okay, while I’m not at the point where I want to research every car’s steering ratio, I might be okay with researching types of cars. :) Here’s what I want: I want to use 540 degree wheel rotation (ie. setup in Logitech Profiler) but I want to make it feel like sort of realistic in-game via the use of steering lock settings. For example, F1 steering (540 degrees-ish with 13:1 steering ratio) should feel dramatically more twitchy than a road sports car such as a Porsche(900 degrees-ish with 15:1 steering ratio). So, here’s the list of car types, their wheel rotation, steering ratio, and steering lock: Family: 1080deg wheel rotation, 20:1 ratio, 27 lock; Sports: 900deg wheel rotation, 15:1, 30 lock; Drift/Rally: 720deg wheel rotation, 15:1, 24 lock; GT/Touring: 540deg wheel rotation, 15:1 ratio, 18 lock; F1/Formula: 540deg wheel rotation, 13:1 ratio, 21 lock. For the 540s you have what you need but for the rest we’d need to calculate it: Check this chart (backup link) out instead, from a Live For Speed Forums thread, that lays them all out nicely.

Update 2014-07-26 – 3: Handy online tool for calculating steering locks from wheel rotation and steering ratios. Also, some good reading on wheel rotation/steering ratio/steering locks.

Update 2014-07-26 – 2: I prefer realism in sim racing when I can get it, but I’m also not yet at the point where I want to research every car’s wheel rotation and steering ratio just to set that up in game to get a realistic feel. So I’ve settled on a GT-style 540degree wheel rotation and 18degree steering lock for 15:1 steering ratio. iRacing appears to be the only game I have so far that automatically applies a 900degree setup to real-world wheel rotation and steering ratio in each car they have. For all other games you have to set it manually and often that means every time you get into a car you have to load your custom setup file. After googling a lot, I find most people are happy with a middle-ground GT-style 540degree wheel rotation with 15:1 steering ratio which needs an 18degree steering lock setup. This is a generalization, not all GT cars use those numbers, but what you get in the end is one wheel setup for all racing sims where you get a consistent car turn feel across different car types.

Update 2014-07-26: Understanding SimBin Steering Sensitivity: The following applies to RaceRoom Racing Experience, Race 07, GTR 2, and I assume all SimBin racing games. I finally understand what they’ve done with steering sensitivity. 50 is linear, but either side of 50 is not linear-but-different-ratio as I expected. I finally got it when I was really looking at the steering meter. If I turn the wheel 90deg three times it goes from nothing to full. At 50 each 90deg takes up the same amount of space – so each 90deg physical wheel turn actually represents 90deg virtual wheel turning (broken animations aside). But, at 100 the first 90deg takes up the most, the second 90deg takes up less, and the third 90deg takes up even less – so each 90deg physical wheel turn may not actually represent 90deg car turning. At 0 it’s the other way around. So I choose 50 for steering sensitivity in SimBin titles to ensure that all degree ranges on my wheel rotation act and feel the same way.

Update 2014-07-19: I finally got 900 degrees in Race 07. It is, in fact, the same method as RaceRoom Racing Experience (Set it in the Logitech Profiler and then set the Steering Lock in the Car Setup) but apparently the steering wheel animation won’t be correct if you do that. That would have been okay except there’s no default steering lock like RaceRoom Racing Experience has so you have to set it on every car. I guess that’s technically correct but more hassle than I wanted so I went back to Logitech Profiler default degrees for Race 07. I wish these games would just do the ‘auto-magic’ thing like iRacing does.

Update 2014-07-08: I finally got 900degrees in RaceRoom Racing Experience: (1) Set it in the Profiler, (2) set it in R3E under Vehicle Settings > Wheel Animation (remember this is only animation it has no effect on how it feels), (3) go in to Control > Advanced Settings and set Steering Lock between 28 and 32. You need to google about steering lock and the ratio between that and the rotational degrees of your steering device. I just found the 28-32 metric after reading some discussions. For 540 degrees I’ve seen recommendations of 18-22. I believe the same steering lock applies for Race 07 but I haven’t tried it yet.

Logitech G27 900 Degrees Steering Across Racing Games

race07-3I loved the way iRacing was so easy to setup for the 900 degree turning ability of the Logitech G27 so I tried RaceRoom Racing Experience and Race 07 and was very disappointed there was no way to get that linear steering working when the G27 was setup for 900 degrees. Well, it’s not a real fix, but it’s here’s a decent work-around…

Continue reading “Logitech G27 900 Degrees Steering Across Racing Games”

Snow Racer / Over Hurdles / In Mid-winter

The hill was empty then. I stood just below the peak. Over one hurdle, and then over another. They had all left. And their challenge hung chill in the air.

The hill was empty then. I stood just below the peak. Over one hurdle, and then over another. They had all left. And their challenge hung chill in the air.

“Not possible,” they had said. That challenge. Echoing off every ice crystal hanging in the frozen air. Not possible! What foolish words to utter to a child. What was impossibility to a ten year old? It was simple! A hill. Two jumps. The first to the right, the second to the left. I can do this!

So I pushed off and attacked my challenge…

Slowly my pace quickened and soon I was screaming towards the first obstacle! Ack! A monster rearing its ugly face! Up! And over! Gliding through the air and! Thud! To the ground, turn to face my second foe, slip! Flip!

Into the the jagged ice, cold and miserable, but not convinced.

So I trudged back up the hill, caught my uncatchably cold breath, surveyed my task again, refined my strategy, and delivered…

In a few moments I was racing again over shrill snow! The monster rose up again! But I was ready for it! Swat to its snout! Up! In the air! The glorious air! CRACK! Back on the snow and this time holding tight to the turn, toward my second obstacle! Pounding hard to his beastly gaping maw! Blam! Higher and higher! Flying! Smashing to the ice! But an odd sensation! Shuttering! Toppling!

Face down in the bitter snow, cold and miserable, but not convinced.

No, never convinced.

Tired and exhausted, I scaled the hill again. Back to the top where I could see again the challenge I wanted desperately to meet. There I rested my battered body, caught my uncatchably cold breath, committed again to the challenge, and charged…

Quickly I was skating away with wind wooshing past my head! Again he appeared and again I hit him full force! With a heavy blow and endless soaring weightlessness! Gone too soon and smack! On the ground and upright and I hurtled again towards the final feat! That grotesque ugly thing! I slammed hard into it and launched into the air! A nothingness in the air for an eternity quickly finished! Smash! To the ground I hit with a slam! I’ve knocked myself silly! I’m still moving. I’m unsure of myself. I’m a little dazed. I’m still gliding…

I did it.

I did it!

I DID IT!

I knew I could do it!

I think I told them, but I suspect no one now remembers the kid who stayed behind to answer their challenge, to do the impossible.

Many years have passed and this memory remains with me. This memory informs my steps even now. No longer a child, a man, and I have seen many challenges, but none quite like that hill and none like its power over me. But this time my challenge is different.

This time my challenge is you – my impossible. For you rest upon a peak I can not climb, and you stand across a chasm I can not bridge. There is no path I may scale nor have I device to take me over.

No. You are my impossible, at a time and in a place where a child’s ferocious imagination and untainted belief in possibilities can no longer shape desire into reality.

It’s impossible. Heart, mind, self. Mysteriously connected one to another. I can’t do this.

It is impossible, I’m alone.

And so I call on Him with Whom all things are possible, “He who made them at the beginning, who made them male and female, He is mighty to save!”

You are my impossible, and I am cold and miserable.

But I am not convinced.

No, never convinced.