In these letters…

In these letters, four, recently have I come to know, lift me up and give me flight when there are many miles left to go.

In these letters, cascading, are your many charms to me, one overlaps another, and weaves and turns a beautiful tapestry.

In these letters, loving, are your many kindnesses to me, strength and care coincide in you, and I am put low upon my knee.

In these letters, keeping, are your many fine points of integrity, protecting for you a hope and future, from Him the Great and the Almighty.

In these letters, trusting, are your many graces to me, that I should be here, in this time and place, in this blessed opportunity.

In these letters, four, your bright smile shines serene, so I grasp these tokens now, reminding me of my love, while I am in between.

In this photograph…

In this photograph, you are falling. Running through long grass, twirling around, you have lost your balance, and the summer sun is lost in the shine of your smile.

This photograph is now a blur, shot in an unprepared instant, a real moment with you. But my memory of that moment is strong. No memento would serve me better than the love my eyes rested upon that day.

You lay on the ground, giddy, dizzy, delirious. I remember wanting, wishing I had laid down beside you in the grass to stare up at the wide open blue sky, to stare into your eyes.

This memory haunts me still, just like every other moment with you.

To do it all over again…

But I can’t go back. No one can go back. There is only this moment in which I can make the choice I really want.

In this photograph, my love is frozen. Many moonless ages have passed, and my heart has warmed. I long, now, for the warmth of that summer sun, to warm your heart to mine, to bring us back together, and to grant that moment to remake the choice I’ve always wanted. The choice for you, for always and evermore.

Snow Racer / Over Hurdles / In Mid-winter

The hill was empty then. I stood just below the peak. Over one hurdle, and then over another. They had all left. And their challenge hung chill in the air.

The hill was empty then. I stood just below the peak. Over one hurdle, and then over another. They had all left. And their challenge hung chill in the air.

“Not possible,” they had said. That challenge. Echoing off every ice crystal hanging in the frozen air. Not possible! What foolish words to utter to a child. What was impossibility to a ten year old? It was simple! A hill. Two jumps. The first to the right, the second to the left. I can do this!

So I pushed off and attacked my challenge…

Slowly my pace quickened and soon I was screaming towards the first obstacle! Ack! A monster rearing its ugly face! Up! And over! Gliding through the air and! Thud! To the ground, turn to face my second foe, slip! Flip!

Into the the jagged ice, cold and miserable, but not convinced.

So I trudged back up the hill, caught my uncatchably cold breath, surveyed my task again, refined my strategy, and delivered…

In a few moments I was racing again over shrill snow! The monster rose up again! But I was ready for it! Swat to its snout! Up! In the air! The glorious air! CRACK! Back on the snow and this time holding tight to the turn, toward my second obstacle! Pounding hard to his beastly gaping maw! Blam! Higher and higher! Flying! Smashing to the ice! But an odd sensation! Shuttering! Toppling!

Face down in the bitter snow, cold and miserable, but not convinced.

No, never convinced.

Tired and exhausted, I scaled the hill again. Back to the top where I could see again the challenge I wanted desperately to meet. There I rested my battered body, caught my uncatchably cold breath, committed again to the challenge, and charged…

Quickly I was skating away with wind wooshing past my head! Again he appeared and again I hit him full force! With a heavy blow and endless soaring weightlessness! Gone too soon and smack! On the ground and upright and I hurtled again towards the final feat! That grotesque ugly thing! I slammed hard into it and launched into the air! A nothingness in the air for an eternity quickly finished! Smash! To the ground I hit with a slam! I’ve knocked myself silly! I’m still moving. I’m unsure of myself. I’m a little dazed. I’m still gliding…

I did it.

I did it!

I DID IT!

I knew I could do it!

I think I told them, but I suspect no one now remembers the kid who stayed behind to answer their challenge, to do the impossible.

Many years have passed and this memory remains with me. This memory informs my steps even now. No longer a child, a man, and I have seen many challenges, but none quite like that hill and none like its power over me. But this time my challenge is different.

This time my challenge is you – my impossible. For you rest upon a peak I can not climb, and you stand across a chasm I can not bridge. There is no path I may scale nor have I device to take me over.

No. You are my impossible, at a time and in a place where a child’s ferocious imagination and untainted belief in possibilities can no longer shape desire into reality.

It’s impossible. Heart, mind, self. Mysteriously connected one to another. I can’t do this.

It is impossible, I’m alone.

And so I call on Him with Whom all things are possible, “He who made them at the beginning, who made them male and female, He is mighty to save!”

You are my impossible, and I am cold and miserable.

But I am not convinced.

No, never convinced.

Verse for this February twenty-ninth

Fourteen days have passed since the day that never was, and I find myself here, in this unwanted moment, this day that never belonged, this February twenty-ninth.

I was running that day, full strength and head strong, hurtling towards the precipice, adrenaline fueled, fight or flight blinded, heart pumping, right off the edge

where I remain, here, in the painless agony of the nothingness, waiting for the drop,

waiting to hit ground.

But I remain. Still standing, over empty space. And no sign appears, either falling down above to save me, or rising upĀ  below to skewer me. I am lost, though not without compass, or a promise, and these I clench fast where naught else remain within reach and naught else remain to bear me up.

Here is where I make my stand, by will or not, in this void stillness. Here is where I make my leap of faith, this day so-called, this February twenty-ninth.

In this painting…

In this painting, lines of truth emanate. Light bursts forth, shattering a rigid picture, reaching beyond grasp, in bold strokes, defying a frame.

In its edged background, darkness seeps through. Something corrosive. Staining. But wherever the light reaches, there is darkness dispelled.

In its fierce foreground, a radiant star-burst flares forth from the form of a cross. At its center, a deep blue, shining, as arms and hands. They fly to the east and to the west, to the north and to the south, transforming from bright blue to blinding white.

Between these arms fly a thousand rays, reflecting their source, in hues of yellow and tinged orange. They warm instead of dazzle, and they draw the eye to their graceful metamorphosis from one strong arm to another.

In this painting, I see you. The artist I see in motions of creation, hovering over the surface, applying a foundation in broad, full strokes, and your hand, in dance, as you guide the light, and fill in the empty spaces. I see your moves in symphony and concert with love, shaping what will be, and exhausting care and consideration into a painting, radiating in the act of reflecting its maker.

In this painting is the source of which was said, “sunshine can be seen breaking forth from the frame, does strike my face, and warms again my heart to hope.”

Sweet Song (Sweet Return)

Come back unto me, oh please,
and I’ll tend to your ease;
soothe again with your sweet song,
I will sing well along;
long have I longed unto you,
o’er nights never a few;
vicious is this vile space,
e’ermore long I your face;
your fair words make me as dumb,
or your absence as numb;
under these long years return, oh please, and I’ll tend to your ease.

In this embrace…

In this embrace, five addressed five, “If we have found favour in your sight, and if it is pleasing in your eyes, please grant our petition.” And five replied, “What is your wish? It will be given you. And what is your request? Even up to one-fifth of our own, it will be granted.” “If it is favourable in your sight and pleasing in your eyes, take your leisure upon us.” And because the leisure was due, five alighted with five and found the embrace was true.

In this embrace, five solicited five, “If we have found favour in your sight, and if it is pleasing in your eyes, please grant our petition.” And five replied, “What is your wish? It will be given you. And what is your request? Even up to two-fifths of our own, it will be granted.” “If it is favourable in your sight and pleasing in your eyes, take your leisure upon us, and let us tend to you.” And because the touch delighted, and because the leisure was due, five rested with five and found the embrace was true.

In this embrace, five beseeched five, “If we have found favour in your sight, and if it is pleasing in your eyes, please grant our petition.” And five replied, “What is your wish? It will be given you. And what is your request? Even up to three-fifths of our own, it will be granted.” “If it is favourable in your sight and pleasing in your eyes, take your leisure upon us, let us tend to you, and caress your beautiful face.” And because the caress was welcome, and because the touch delighted, and because the leisure was due, five lay with five and found the embrace was true.

In this embrace, five implored five, “If we have found favour in your sight, and if it is pleasing in your eyes, please grant our petition.” And five replied, “What is your wish? It will be given you. And what is your request? Even up to four-fifths of our own, it will be granted.” “If it is favourable in your sight and pleasing in your eyes, take your leisure upon us, let us tend to you, caress your beautiful face, and let us join together to be like this for always.” And because their hearts hung together, and because the caress was welcome, and because the touch delighted, and because the leisure was due, five entwined with five and found the embrace was true.

In this embrace, five entreated five, “If we have found favour in your sight, and if it is pleasing in your eyes, please grant our petition.” And five replied, “What is your wish? It will be given you. And what is your request? Even to all that we have, it will be granted.” “If it is favourable in your sight and pleasing in your eyes, take your leisure upon us, let us tend to you, caress your beautiful face, let us join together to be like this for always, and hold this embrace forever .” And because the embrace was strong, and because their hearts hung together, and because the caress was welcome, and because the touch delighted, and because the leisure was due, five nestled with five and found the embrace was true.

In this moment…

In this moment lie two. Darkness, sweet, lay heavy. Here, in this moment, lies love.

Moonlight graces her tresses and her frame. Shine of sorrow, searing, and of pity, piercing. Their eyes are locked, inclined one to another. Eyes forlorn and longing to long. That time will come and will yet be under many moonless ages. In those receiving eyes, giving, unspeakable, lie unknowns, unrepeatable. The air carries no voice, but word does carry, slowed by the intoxication of the moment.

For all eternity, too long, and not long enough. Fear flutters on the cusp. Wearied will lifts laden lids. And he is utterly undone.

In this moment lie two. Both true and false. Both known and unknown. Both love and loss. Fear willed and sought safety, but unwitting welled deep and strong and true; love, where in this moment lie two.

The Storied Tale of You and I

You captured my gaze
and I entered this haze.

I followed my eyes
and you were my demise.

You gave me your smile
and I longed all the while.

I stood and withstood
and you gave all you could.

You gave me your heart
and I broke it apart.

But I couldn’t understand
til the moment I took your hand.

When in this deep darkness I cry,
it is you I have loved.

This is the beginning:
the storied tale of you and I.

In this picture…

In this picture is a bale of hay. Another, smaller, lies to its right, some ways away. Dead grasses lie before it. The brown specks of Autumn lie behind. The waning sun shines upon it all and grants the place life and being…

In this picture is a bale of hay. Another, smaller, lies to its right, some ways away. Dead grasses lie before it. The brown specks of Autumn lie behind. The waning sun shines upon it all and grants this place life and being. A shadow is cast from this bale but it can not reach the fence on which you sit nor darken the thing I seek. The sun sets and Fall approaches, and it will endure many years.

Without this picture is another. It is cold, lifeless. The dead winter.

But there is no other picture, and, in this, is why sunshine can be seen breaking forth from the frame, does strike my face, and warms again my heart to hope.